Blue 42 (Hail Mary Duet Book 1) Read online

  Nothing works better than coke and pussy.

  Dixon

  What the hell was that? I don’t even remember the drive home and the thought has my body going another round with the shakes. Did Avando kiss me? Did I actually kiss him back? I press my trembling hands to the back of my neck, I’m so fucking confused. I’m not gay. Not even a little bit. There has never even been a moment of confusion in my life, I have always been attracted to women, and dating a man wasn’t an option. I don’t like men. I mean, I don’t think so.

  I growl and stand up from my couch. Why the fuck did he do that? Is this another one of his mind tricks? Like he owns me or something? He rapes me, taunts me constantly, and now he’s kissing me like I’m all he thinks about. What kind of game is this? All I know is, I failed miserably because I kissed him back, and I know in that moment, I would’ve gone further. But why? Why would I want to do that? Put aside the not being gay part, the guy fucking raped me! I don’t understand what’s happening with me and I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I began to see him differently. But I do and it pisses me off. He’s fucked up and a bully to the extreme. He looks and acts like a gangbanger and he’s a fucking rapist. There’s clearly something wrong with his head and I just fell again into one of his games, that’s the only explanation.

  Now I have something else I need to push down and ignore, pretend like it never happened; and it’s all thanks to Sebastian. If my mother ever found out what has been happening, she would die of a heart attack, and then somehow come back to haunt me. She’s an active member of the African Methodist Episcopal Church in Westport. She believes in revivals, fellowship, and First Sunday. Homosexuality is frowned upon and same-sex marriages contradict their teachings. I’ve never really heard her opinion on it and it’s never been spoken about in our house. Not that I’m a homosexual, but if this ever came out, I don’t know how’d she react; and that’s based on the fact that she’s very involved with the church. I’m so fucked.

  Is he going to pretend like it didn’t happen too? Or were his sidekicks somewhere recording it? Oh my god, is that shit on video somewhere? I begin to sweat as I pace my small family room. Is that his endgame? To somehow blackmail me off the team? That can’t happen. I would say I was gay if it came down to it because I’ve worked so hard for this life and I won’t see it disappear because of him.

  I need answers.

  I grab my keys and head back outside. I know where he lives, it was something Ortiz said the other day, and he brought up the community. I know it because soon after I Googled it. I don’t even know why, it all ties into these confused feelings I’m having; I need to look him in the eye and figure out what it all means. What the fuck does he have planned?

  I drive through the streets, my GPS telling me where to go, and all without knowing his house number, I’m guessing I’ll see his vehicle. I don’t know how he’ll react to me pulling up to his house and I may very well get a gun in my face for it, but I can’t ignore all this shit. It’s eating me up inside and the self-doubt is slowly attacking my mental state.

  That kiss couldn’t have been staged; again, the conflict in my mind is like an illness, and I can’t get rid of it. It couldn’t have been staged, I know the way he kissed me, and it wasn’t something he did for an audience. It was rough and angry, filled with absolute fury. It was passionate and we were both affected, I felt it. He wanted it and I can’t deny that in that moment so did I. I don’t know what that means but I need to hear it from him, I need to know what he’s doing, and just what he expects from me.

  I turn onto his street and I can hear the thumping bass as I move forward. I can’t tell which house it’s coming from but I know it must be his. Sounds like he’s trying to ignore shit, too; or maybe he’s celebrating a win. I don’t know. I slow down when I see his vehicle in the driveway of a large colonial style home and spot a few other vehicles too. This is the house that’s vibrating with the force of the loud music and spilling girls out of its front doors. He’s having a party? On a Monday afternoon? I spot Ortiz there, dragging a woman inside, and he’s laughing as she tries to adjust her too short skirt. I don’t see any other teammates but I would bet a lot of money that Jameson is also inside somewhere.

  I don’t see any others from the team nor do I see their vehicles. My heart begins to hammer again as my mind flies through the different reasons why those three are throwing this party. Am I about to be exposed for something I didn’t do? I know I did it, but I had no intention of doing that, and I’m starting to feel like everything was indeed a plan. I begin to feel lightheaded and rest my forehead to the cool steering wheel, I hate not knowing. It feels like my world is crumbling under my feet and after I’ve worked so hard to build it. I thought I built it to be immovable, unable to break, and I’m learning that in reality, it’s so fucking weak.

  The foundations of my beliefs and the work I’ve put into my future, is now crumbling out from under me. All because one man couldn’t just leave me alone and I can’t help but ask why? It goes to show that no matter how stable you feel at any given time, it can be ripped away from you, and the decisions you make determines the fallout. One decision - one act - can completely destroy your life’s work and I’m not sure how to prepare myself for the outcome.

  I pull away from his house and the rager of a party he’s having, only to pull into my own driveway without a single notion of how I got here. My mind is blacking out all extreme emotions and my overwhelming panic is one of them. I don’t know what I’ll face when I show up for practice tomorrow and I know I’ll have to be prepared for the worst.

  It’s always the worst when Sebastian Avando is involved.

  Chapter twelve

  Sebastian

  He looks sicker than I feel and I feel like someone stomped my head into concrete.

  He comes into the locker room with deep hollows under his eyes and his skin dull, like he’s legit sick. He stands stiffly beside me unlatching his locker and I stare at him openly, willing him to look at me; but he doesn’t. I don’t know why that pisses me off but it does, it makes me want to punch him - again - and demand that he looks at me.

  He grabs the back of his sweater in both hands and pulls it up over his head, his muscles rippling with the motion. I see the tats he has all over his back and I clench my fists to stop myself from reaching out. I see skulls and snakes, all things that tell of death, and I try to imagine who Dixon North really is. He has a large tribal design that climbs his shoulder and reaches his neck, the lines intricate.

  “What are you looking at?” His voice is rough like gravel.

  “You look like shit.”

  “So do you.” He retorts, giving me a side eye.

  “I have an excuse,” I grin, not at all feeling as brave as I sound. “Did I keep you up all night? Were you thinking about me, faggot?”

  He slams his locker door shut and steps into my face, the air escaping his nostrils is hot on my face. His eyes are almost black and right now have murder written in their depths.

  “Is that it?” his lip turns up into a sneer, “you want to lie and tell everyone I’m gay?”

  He has a slight dimple in his right cheek and it deepens as he scowls waiting for my answer. Fuck him though, I like that he’s scared, and it means he’ll keep his mouth shut, too.

  I spy a large blue star in the center of his chest and press my hand to it. His skin is hot to the touch and I can feel his heart beating a mile a minute, he’s so scared. I shove him lightly out of my face and then step around him, giving him a small smirk. I don’t say a single thing and throw him a wink, his brow lining with perspiration. His chest rises and falls rapidly, his muscles bunching tightly.

  I quickly turn away and sit on the bench beside Jameson, not letting myself fall too far into my own thoughts. Coach says he has to speak to us today and I know it’s about the annual sponsor’s gala, it’s always at the beginning of the season. It’s a way to thank those rich old cunts for tossing us some money and lett
ing us run around with their logos on our uniforms. Last year, Jameson, Ortiz, and I triple teamed Dani in the bathroom, while our dates sat at the table waiting for us. It was a great fuck you to her father that had been annoying us for a year. That’s what he got for his suspicions and frequent surprise drug tests. She fucking lapped it up.

  Dani is like the welcoming committee for all new players, her pussy waiting to greet them, and then she moves on to the next piece of fresh meat. I know her sights are now set on North but after watching them yesterday, I don’t know how successful she’ll be with him. For some reason, that brings me a twisted type of pleasure.

  Coach walks in and I fantasize about smashing in his smug face with my fist. I look to my right and see Jameson’s jaw is tight, probably thinking the same thing. Coach is the type of guy that likes to be all up in his players personal lives and he has zero tolerance for drugs. Like any drug, even weed. He’s a nosy prick.

  “You guys know what time of year it is,” he begins, looking pointedly at Jameson and me. Sponsors love us because we’re the powerhouses of the team. “The annual Bills gala is in two weeks. We are all to be there and we will all be enjoying ourselves, but not too much enjoyment.” Another pointed look at me. Fuck off, old man.

  “Your plus ones need to be given to me by this weekend to prepare plate counts. Bring a plus one,” he claps as he looks around the room, “it gives off family vibes and makes us look less like a team of partying bachelors.”

  I look over my shoulder at North and watch as his brows fall together. I wonder who he’ll invite and will it be someone from Baltimore? Does he have anyone? I have yet to see his family or friends visit. Speaking of… I need to go see my boys this weekend. It’s been weeks since I’ve been back in Rochester. Time away from here and the pressures of football are needed sometimes and there’s no better place than with my boys back home.

  Dani slinks just inside the locker room door, she’s not allowed any further, and leans against the wall to listen to her father. I don’t miss the looks she continues to throw over my shoulder and I know she’s looking at North. The desperation pouring off her reeks and Jameson snorts beside me. I look at him and cover the grin on my face with my hand as he stares at her. We know what she’s about and we know why her sights are set on North. I toss him another look over my shoulder and this time my eyes clash with his, he’s already looking at me. I turn back around and swallow thickly, a weird feeling gathering in my stomach.

  I need to get the hell away from here.

  Coach claps his hands again and then turns his back, barking at us to be on the field in fifteen. North - already dressed - heads for the double doors and I know he’s doing his morning run. I stay in my seat, not moving from my spot, and watch as Dani reaches her hand out to grab his arm. He stops and glances down at it, his back tight, and his jaw flexing.

  “He looks pissed.” Jameson murmurs from beside me and I nod.

  She says something to him and he turns his head a bit more, throwing me a look over his shoulder. Yeah, I’m watching you. I give him a smirk and he pulls his arm from Dani’s grip but leans in, his big body crowding hers, and whispers something in her ear. My teeth crash together and anger burns bright in my chest, what the fuck is he saying to her? Her eyes widen and her cheeks grow rosy, pissing me off even further.

  “Looks like Rookie will be getting his dick sucked soon.” Jameson declares as he stands, chuckling all the way to his locker.

  She peers up at him when he pulls back and he gives her a tight smile, nothing that looks genuine though. Then she watches him as he walks out into the hallway and out of sight, that desperation seeping into the room. Fucking slut. She must sense my eyes on her because she turns and looks straight at me, her brows crinkling in the center. She wanted me not too long ago and did everything I asked, even fucked my boys in an attempt to secure me. In the end, it was never meant to be and I know I broke her heart.

  Her lips turn down into a sneer and she turns her back, walking across the way to her father’s office. Yeah, she’s still not over it and that makes me chuckle. She can try to replace me with North all she wants. He and I are nothing alike, and eventually she’ll be looking for the next dick to suck. Maybe by then, I’ll be willing to break her heart all over again.

  I can see the sweat dripping off his brow as the same happens with mine, both of us panting heavily. Our uniforms are grass stained, our helmets caked with dirt, and our faces filled with determination. Practices can get messy and oftentimes painful because we are competing internally. Second string is always trying to up the first and Coach is always watching for potential breakout players.

  It’s been different playing with North on my side of the field but I will admit - and only to myself - that he’s been an asset. He does work hard and he focuses on nothing else but the game. He’s still a little bitch, though.

  “First string, you’re done for the day.” Coach yells out and the second-string groans. They’ll be kept behind to do extra runs. He does this every practice to the side that slacks the most.

  North is already halfway back to the locker room when I start towards the large double doors. I like that he doesn’t like to be anywhere near me and rushes to get out before anyone else. I like that I affect him.

  “What’s going down for this weekend?” Ortiz asks and I shake my head.

  “I’m goin’ home for a few days. I’ll be back Saturday night.” I answer him.

  “Damn,” he groans.

  “Neon Girls Thursday night?” Jameson slaps Ortiz’s back.

  Our first game is this Sunday which means we get Thursday evening to Saturday evening off. Perfect time to go home, fuck some shit up, and come back revived. Plus, I got a little someone there waiting for me and I can’t disappoint her. She’s my anchor to home and knows exactly what I need to bring me back when I feel like life is slipping.

  Jameson is a fucking whore that can’t keep his dick to himself; Ortiz tags along but for the most part he doesn’t just fuck anything, and attempts to keep a good rep, despite his closest friend’s behaviour. I respect him for that.

  The locker room is noisy as everyone strips out of their dirty uniforms and heads to the showers. I lag behind as I see the red light is on for the sauna, I know I shouldn’t, and I really hate that I don’t listen to my internal warning. Once the locker room is cleared out except for a few guys lingering about, I slip into the sauna, and snicker when I hear him curse.

  “Fuck this,” he grumbles and I hear him get up from his seat. Understandably.

  “Chill man,” I stand in front of the door and block his exit, “truce?”

  “You’re gonna keep your hands and face to yourself?” I love that he wants to be here no matter how hard he fights it.

  “Promise.” I smile wide as he stares into my eyes. When he takes my word for it, he turns back around, and sits in the same spot he was in yesterday.

  I follow him and sit in the same spot as yesterday too, leaning my head back against the wall. I should use the sauna more often. I can feel the tension leaving my muscles and the steam gives me a lazy haze, relaxation settling bone deep.

  “I saw you talking to Dani.” I break the silence.

  “I know.”

  “She’s like a shark,” I snicker, “she’s attracted to fresh blood.”

  “I came on to her first,” I see the slight shrug of his shoulders and I don’t understand why his admission has me grinding my teeth.

  “So, that’s your type.” I say more to myself.

  “Why are you always at me about my type and shit?”

  “I like to get to know my teammates.” I counter.

  “By sticking your dick in their asses?” he retorts and I swallow down the panic that threatens to rise.

  “That was just a reminder of where you’re supposed to be.”

  “Oh yeah?” I can hear the anger simmering hot in his words, “and where’s that?”

  “On the bottom.”

 
“You’ll never get the chance to try it again,” a threat I know is the truth.

  “We’ll see.” I grin when he turns his face from me. “Anyway,” I steer us away from that topic, “what did she say to you?”

  “Why do you care?” he throws back.

  “Just curious if she’s running the same game on you that she did on me.”

  “I can’t see her running shit on you,” he snarls, “more the other way around.”

  “Nah, girl’s got game.” I close my eyes and let my mind take me back to the first day I met Danielle. “It was my rookie year two years ago and I wandered out to the field, excitement had me amped.”

  I can feel the heat of his stare and complete attention as I continue, “she found me out there and called me Mr. Avando, her cheeks turned this sexy shade of pink when I turned to look at her. Did she do that to you?” He doesn’t have to confirm because I see the way his jaw locks, “yeah, bitch got game.” I chuckle.

  “It doesn't mean shit,” he spits out, “it’s just a gala.”

  My head snaps to the left to look at him as shock courses through me, “you’re bringing her to the gala?”

  “Why not?” he shrugs.

  “Be careful,” I warn him, “that’s Coach’s daughter. Unless you’re looking to get into the family. What? There are no girls in Baltimore?”

  “There are enough girls in Baltimore, but none I’d bring here.”

  “You mean none you’d wife up.” I correct him and he shrugs.

  “This has been weird as fuck,” he mutters and stands. His towel slips a bit and I get a peek of the top of his ass crack. I squeeze my eyes shut tight, clenching my fists, and try thinking of anything else. But it doesn’t work, my cock begins to swell, and I only release my breath when I hear the door shut behind him.